Watching T.V. shows, movies or listening to some relationship “experts,” one might thing that monogamy is a farce. The common belief foisted by many on an unknowing public is that affairs are so commonplace as to be almost unavoidable. What’s a person in a monogamous relationship by choice to do? How can we protect our relationship from the risks of an affair. EFT couples therapists deal with the aftermath of affairs routinely. Fortunately, many marriages can come back from the pain and shock of infidelity. Sadly, other relationships cannot. The breach of trust can devastate the injured partner. And some people simply will not abide with such a tryst. Learning of even a one-night stand, the walls go up, it violates their values or promise to themselves and the relationship is over. So affair prevention is an essential task in a long-term romantic bond.
In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, the most powerful protection against an affair (and a host of other relational ills) lies in a more secure emotional bond. One in which you can turn to your partner, and your partner to you, to seek comfort, contact and reassurance at times of high need. Where you can speak a language that makes Love Sense, to say, “I have been feeling lonely in our relationship, and distant from you. When you don’t want to touch me or be intimate with me, I get scared. Scared that maybe you are bored with me. Will you tell me what is happening to you on your side of our dance together?” One in which we foster vulnerable conversations with each other. Conversations that Dr. Sue Johnson calls, “Hold Me Tight,” conversations.
And if you have been impacted by infidelity, please know that EFT Therapists stand ready to help you reclaim your relationship. The EFT model comes with research on how to help couples heal, to address the pains and fear that come after such a breach of trust, and to foster a tighter, deeper bond that you had before. We cannot guarantee results of course, but as Center Director, Jim Thomas says, “More often than not, couples who come to my office, and engage in Emotionally Focused work, recover from their affairs and come out stronger together.” Visit Jim’s website or any Certified EFT Therapist to learn more about how affair recovery work occurs in EFT or to help your marriage become “.” www.engagingtherapy.com
Dr. Sue Johnson, author of Love Sense, a must read, gives her thoughts about this important question, are affairs inevitable here: